Why does marriage counseling fail?


marriage counselingWhy does sometimes marriage counseling go wrong?  Many conflicting couples never go for counseling. But many of them who go, marital counseling do not work. It is easy to put the blame upon the couple saying that they were not very diligent or they did not provide enough time or that one spouse did not put his heart into the counseling in the first place.

Sometimes it is observed after a week before the second or third session of counseling that either of the spouses or both of them decide not to come back for therapy. The long session of counseling regarding their conflicts only fires up their bitterness and the counselor’s request to recollect their previous love involved in the relation does not help much.

Any one of the above causes might result in failure on the spot but it is never the full story. Marriage counseling due to some of the following reasons:

1.       Counseling is expensive – A marriage therapy or counseling involves the costs which add up quickly. If therapy is a device to save a marriage creating a better future, any sum of money is worth spending upon it. But most unfortunately, the costs often give further stress to a hard situation. This is why the couples have to be ready and properly plan for the costs involved.

2.       Lack of time – One should spend at least an hour and get to the core of the counseling. One has to devote enough time to start solving and intense marital problems. Couples come to marriage counselors as they consider them to be the “experts.” It is their work to assess how much time is needed for the therapy. A counselor should not agree to anything which does not provide the proper time required to help genuinely. Their work is primarily to turn a couple’s marriage around with long lasting effects. As such they should understand what is needed as far as time is concerned.

3.       Counselors fail to give proper direction – This is the most undesired problem of all. Most of the counselors are good listeners, an important skill. But counseling requires some amount leadership. A good listening has to be rapidly turned into a deep understanding of every person. When a couple comes in a crisis looking for direction, effective steps to help them out should be taken by the counselors. The counselor needs to guess what has wrong, explain the same to the couple and make an attempt for change.

4.       Couples are not asked to understand themselves – It is vital for spouses to understand the relationship including their love and marriage. Understanding each other’s expectations and actions in the marriage can be of great help to them.