Is it hard for you to accept your second spouse’s children?

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Blended family
Blended family
Blended family

On getting married for the second time there seem to be more challenges than they generally are during first marriage. The most prominent issue could be the children.

Yes, on one hand while you are trying to adjust with the new life with a new person, on the other hand you have to make adjustments with not only one but few more characters. And amid the other the most important are the children of your new spouse.

Why do people find it hard to adjust with kids of second spouse?

The reason is not just one but many:

  • You may have kids of your own and to accept the others could seem to be quite demanding for you.
  • You may face a resistance from your own children because they may think that their own parent is getting shared. As it is they are devoid of one parent in their life and now it would be difficult for them to share their parent.
  • You face a rejection from new children too, because they may not be willing to give you the same space which belonged to their biological parent, and then you may look like an outsider in their lives.
  • There could be a guilt running in your own heart as somewhere you may think that you are sharing the love of your own children.

What can you do overcome these issues?

  • First of all, both you and your spouse need to sit down and exchange the understanding about children belonging to both of you.
  • The house you are planning to shift to, must have a set up wherein none of the children have to share their belongings, of course sharing will develop when a bond is established.
  • Give them space and time both to accept rather than pushing things too hard and too fast.
  • Make your presence felt gently not abruptly and be sure that you are not making yourself too prominent in their lives.
  • Do not feel guilty about the new association, because you are trying to give another parent to your children and there is no question of sharing your love with others.
  • Communicate with your spouse whenever you face a hurdle but don’t speak in a complaining tone.
  • Both of you can set rules for the family and can organize moments which would bring the family together.
  • Have respect for them and their previous parent so that you can get the same back from the kids.
  • Work with patience and if required you can always take help of a counsellor. In fact you can organize sessions for the whole family.

Working a new family out is quite a task wherein both the parents have to put in more effort than anyone else. However, with positive attitude and sincere efforts one can always overcome the difficulties. When it comes to winning hearts one has to be really patient and have to wait for the right time to come.