When you learn that your spouse had been having an affair for some time now, and you never came to know about it, you would naturally get filled with shock, surprise, anger and pain. This would come to you quite naturally after having learnt that the person whom you trusted the most, you admired, adored and loved the most was not only yours. He or she has been sharing his or her feelings and heart with someone else apart from you.
The following tips would help you to recover from an emotional infidelity:
- Take time and give time: When you get to hear about spouse’s extra relationship, the first thing you need to do is to give yourself some time to gulp it. In the same breath you must give time to your spouse too. This is important because the instant reaction could be even more devastating for your marriage and your family if you have built up one.
- Avoid getting into a dialogue instantly: When you start talking to your spouse immediately after learning the “change” in your lives, you may not come up with a balanced thought and hence things could get worse.
- Ask everything that you want to: You have every right to ask as many questions to your spouse as you want to. This would satisfy every query that is going in your mind and hence you may feel little more relieved than otherwise.
- Don’t jump to a conclusion: Putting two and two together is not a bright idea always. So, give a chance to your spouse to put up an explanation which you should listen with all your ears open and with an open mind too.
- Separate for a while: There is no harm in living separately for some time after this damage has come to your life. This will give you scope to evaluate and prepare for a new life.
- Don’t humiliate: Even though your spouse is at fault, but ensure that you don’t go around telling people that you have been cheated upon. Never humiliate your spouse and respect his dignity.
- Consult a relationship expert: There are times when one is not able to open his or her own knots of life, so it is better to approach an expert who could give you an unbiased view about the situation.
- Calm down and start afresh: Keeping grievances would not help in any way. So, you can adopt measures to calm down, vent out and start your relationship all over again without any old baggage.
No individual would like to come across a situation when he or she finds his or her spouse to be with someone else. However, when you are caught in any such mishap, you have to learn to cope with the same. Being spontaneous or judgmental would not help your relationship in any possible way. So, the solution remains in handling the entire affair with maturity and understanding so that your marriage is saved.