Intelligence researchers have proven that humans possess a rich array of intelligence and capacities that are key measures of interpersonal and intra-personal intelligence. Both inter personal and intra-personal intelligence is required and essential to understand the relationship in marriage. The capacity to understand the other’s world in addition to one’s own is a quality by itself and is not easy to come by. Marriage is essentially an emotion-based understanding between two partners.
We have seen break downs of marriages especially in seemingly well settled high ranking families because of several irreconcilable differences. An onlooker would grope in the dark and speculate as to why should there be a necessity of breaking up when all material needs have been fulfilled. The query is not unfamiliar but the answer would get clarity when we consider that conflict in the mind that permeates to behavioral outlook. It is essentially created because of difference in personality approach and not because there has been anything wrong or deficient in the partner. It is the inability to quest for the hidden strengths in the opposite personality.
How do differences become opportunities? Remember the courtship period before marriage when one is looking for fresh dimensions in the others personality that is providing new thresholds to build upon the new relationship. In effect, it is keeping the relationship fresh. Deficiencies are being overlooked and there is renewed commitment on almost an everyday basis. There is hope and there is appreciation for each other.
As the couples travel in the journey of life together it becomes ever so important to develop the natural bent of motivation to stay together. Attuning to the values of loyalty, fidelity and compassion augments the approach to helpfulness, comfort, desire for safety and security for each other. There is objectivity to the reasons to be together.
However, break ups get drawn up when subjective judgment starts creeping in. There is a gradual loss of passionate attraction that leads to an uncaring and detached behavior. There is also another aspect quite hidden in the human mind and that is the aspect of intelligence quotient. One partner has an intellectual bent of mind and the other cannot fathom the depth of discussion. One feels that it is hopeless to talk about feelings and the other understands that it is futile to discuss principles. Discourse of any type is not generated and the silence is numbing to the extent the relationship reaches a state of amputation on account of extreme coldness towards each other. Basically, it is a feeler versus a thinker collision.
Good news is that proficiency to sustain a good relation is embedded in every one of us as long as we have the feeling of respect for each other. When a couple recognizes that issues have crept in and it is advisable to split up than languish in a relationship which has nothing more to offer they have to make a choice expeditiously. Not suggesting that separation and divorce should be the first resort at the slightest sign of discord but should be the last resort after having considered all aspects under which the marital bonding had been cemented.
Whatever requires to be done must be done with integrity and courteousness and full control over how the argument is taken forward to its logical end. Just because a relationship is ending does not mean that it was not meant to be a long lasting one. Own the decision and focus on the other things to do with mature and mutual understanding. Make it a collaborative affair rather than a vengeful decision.