The days and months immediately after Divorce is a very important phase of life that has the potential to make or break. It is that period of life that can leave a person full of guilt, sorrow, loneliness and insecurity. Apart from the personal feelings, responsibilities of children (if any), changes in profession, shifting of houses, decisions regarding finances, etc., can throw a person into deep worry and despair.
Pain is real and grieving is a part of the healing process. Shedding a tear or two, wont harm if you don’t worry yourself too much with your past. And once the healing process is complete, you should not be grieving anymore. But if you allow the grief to take the better of you and you continue to indulge in it, then you will soon fall into depression and its dangerous effects.
There are a few things that you can do to not fall into a cycle of depression post divorce:
1) Do not isolate yourself.
Isolating yourself would only amplify your grief leading you into greater feelings of guilt and fear. So it is important to seek out friends who would encourage you to feel better about yourselves and not constantly judge or criticise you. It would be great to find someone who themselves have gone through a similar struggle. They can understand your feelings better and could guide you in coping with the situation.
2) Avoid Hysteria
Situations like divorce makes us throw up our hands in desperation with apocalyptic comments like “its all over for me”, “there’s no point living”, “I’m too bad to be alive”, etc. Such language can make severe dents in your efforts to recoup a divorce situation. Start telling yourselves that your life isnt over and this is just the beginning of a new life for you.
It is also very important to keep off important decisions till you feel better about yourself as otherwise you may take decisions in anger and fear and end up suffering its consequences later in your life.
3) Avoid Alcohol and Drugs
While going through a sad phase in life, it is very easy to fall into the temptation of plunging yourself into excessive abuse of substances. It is better to stay away from those when you are struggling as it may further worsen your situation. Divorce can throw all your previous schedules out of gear so you need to plan your days in a way that you don’t have time to indulge in habits that would harm you physically and emotionally.
4) Pamper Yourself
Most divorces would leave its victims with very low self-esteem as the causes that lead to divorce would have involved personal short-comings. So pampering yourself after a divorce is something that can make you feel valued as a person. You could go for that comforting body massage, you could enrol for yoga classes, you could dip yourselves in a hot bath tub, or go for that much anticipated tour. You could do anything that would make you feel peaceful, calm and important.
Listening to good music and reading motivating books are another way of coping with the after-effects of divorce. If you have kids you could plan to spend more fun time with them, atleast once a week, if not daily.
Whatever you do, remind yourself that your ultimate goal is to overcome your grief and move ahead with renewed direction and hope.