Modern monogamous marriages, with all the pressures of an extremely competitive life, are like pressure cookers waiting to explode. There are lots of pressure points that pop up every other day leading to arguments, misunderstandings and even strife. Issues could range from simple matters like leaving the tap running to more serious ones like cheating on each other.
Most of these skirmishes last from few hours to few days and then die out. Some may last longer, depending on the couple’s closeness and mutual respect. But the most unforgivable and unacceptable of all issues within a marriage is the issue of infidelity! In many cases infidelity leads to separation or divorce.
According to Dr Richard, infidelity is experienced in a quarter of families and one of the reasons could be Monogamy. Infidelity varies according to each one’s perception. For some, even an emotional relationship with someone outside marriage could be considered as an act of infidelity.
There are various factors that lead an individual to commit an act of infidelity, stress within the family, an uninterested or abusive spouse, substance abuse, or a deep sexual desire. Whatever be the cause, infidelity need not always lead to divorce.
It is not an easy decision to take to continue to love the unfaithful partner and live together with him or her. But with a strong resolve it is possible to ride over the storm. If you are looking for ways to restore the relationship then it is important for you to understand certain underlying factors.
Symptom of a Greater Problem
You need to understand that infidelity points out to a greater problem hidden somewhere and instead of arguing about the particular incident, it would be wiser for you to find out ways to sit and talk things out so you can find out what caused it in the first place.
Extra-marital affairs are either results of fantasies or a place of refuge for a broken individual. If you are thinking of restoring the relationship then it is important for you try and forgive the perpetuator. If you are able to forgive and forget then the process is much easier. But forgetting could take a while and its fine as long as you don’t allow it to turn to hatred.
Nothing but the Truth
If you are confronted by your partner about your act of infidelity never try to justify your actions. Try and be honest with your reasons so that a possible solution could be worked out. Your victimised partner may insist on knowing the details and you need to reveal as much as would make your partner feel comfortable. They should not feel that you are hiding facts as that would instil a deeper sense of insecurity and lasting doubt.
Try and bring in friends or family and spend some time together as that would help in channelizing some of the pent up frustrations and concerns. This has the same effect as that of a joint family where loving family members would act like shock-absorbers, helping in reducing the impact of such situations.
The Balm of Forgiveness
Getting to know about an act of infidelity by your partner is not something anyone would like to hear. Anger, desperation, confusion, hatred, vengeance, etc., are emotions that can easily pour out. But if you are looking at restoring the relationship then it would be wise for you not to react immediately. Give yourself some time to get your emotions under control as otherwise you would end up making rash decisions that could turn out to be harmful for everyone around, including your innocent children.
Every emotional scar can heal if it is given a reasonable time and a favourable situation. Many couples have regrouped themselves to build up a stronger and better marital relationship.