Marriage is one of the most vulnerable relationships on earth. It is also one of the most intimate and long-lasting of all relationships. This is a very dangerous scenario to endure if the marriage is a loveless one. After the initial excitement of starting a new relationship, when couples settle down to the daily grind of life, attitudes start changing. Matters get worse if one or both of the partners slowly starts baring their negative fangs.
Relationships turn for good or bad at this point in marriage. Some couples allow complexes and egos to take over and let reactions go unchecked. It leads to a pile up of heavy egos and both the partners are up in defences refusing to deescalate. Such marriages if they survive continue with constant negative energy, lots of distrust and mutual hatred. Such couples argue over trivial matters in an attempt to win every battle and losing the war in the process.
On the other hand for couple to be happy, they have to maintain the excitement, love and positive energy throughout their marriage. They behave like friends, enjoying every moment they face, appreciating every act of each other keeping their egos totally in check.
In Cold Waters
But then there is another group of married couple that just drift through cold waters. They don’t blow the roof arguing. They are not constantly on the look out to get back at their partner. These couples do have their share of misunderstanding and arguments and they just allow the marriage to continue for various reasons.
Neither of the partners wants to be the first one to pull the plug and spend the rest of their lives fighting the guilt of being the marriage-breaker. They do not want to take the responsibility of everything that may go wrong after taking that fateful decision. The fear of the unknown is something that is not easy to overcome. The couple would rather bear a fruitless marriage than risk ending it.
The other main reason for couples in loveless marriage to continue in the relationship is Hope. . Couple who are in a loveless marriage wish that their marriage would turn around and become alive again. Each day they push through hoping that one day soon their partner would come around and they would start living a blessed life.
In case of a divorce, it is the man who often pulls the plug first. That has more to do with gender traits and social setups. Women are generally those who are kind and polite, while men are more rough and adventurous. Months and years of ill-treatment, lack of respect, and acts of hurt, finally leads a loveless marriage to the verge of divorce.
How to Turn Things Around
When two people enter marriage, they both enter with a lot of expectation from each other and the very institution of marriage. Both come together looking for almost the same things from the relationship. Both look for love and a sense of belonging; a desire to be nourished and cherished. But one thing leads to the other and slowly desires start to differ and when they are not met it turns to negativity. But before such negativity ends in ego clashes, one or both of the partners can rescue their marriage by defusing the negative build up.
Don’t wait for the other partner to take the first step because he or she would be waiting for the same and none of you would eventually do it, resulting in more resentment and hatred. So swallow your ego and take the first step yourself. You don’t have to do anything dramatic or great. It could just be small acts of love or kindness. Don’t expect things to change overnight. But if you keep feeding positivity, day after day through one act after the other, things will eventually change.
It is not necessary that every act of kindness is acknowledged and appreciated. Maybe your partner has not expressed and gratitude, Maybe it was not noticed. But then that should not stop you from doing it, as you are not doing it just for that one time appreciation. You are doing it to save your marriage.
Couples in happy marriages are good communicators. The express themselves sincerely and they give ear to the other sincerely. They are in constant look out for opportunities to appreciate their partner’s positive aspects. They are not eager to take up small issues and blow it out of proportion. They would rather lose a battle to win the war. They are willing to accept mistakes and tolerate each other, keeping the wider picture in mind.